matters of the heart

My journey to self love

This is my journey to self-love, of how I wandered looking for what was in me in others.

Before you find your soul mate, you must first discover your soul

Charles F. Glassman

I was editing this post, then I came across this quote, it summarizes everything you are about to read and more that I will update on my journey to self-love.

The subject of love is one that we can’t run from, deny or prevent ourselves from. we can control but we can’t stop it.

Things that are not done properly, with no control can lead to one’s doom. love has killed so many people and has made others happy.

Who we love has everything to do with our wellbeing. If we don’t love right, we might fall into depression which leads some into suicide. It’s important we know who to love.

We are supposed to love everyone but there’s an extent to every relationship. This post talks about courtship.

Who you shouldn’t date

” But I love her, I feel so much attached to her, why can’t I date her, she’s everything I want ” yes have heard all of this, it was even told to me but pause and have a rethink.

Where is this person coming from? What was their past relationship like?

You can’t expect love from a broken person.

Expecting love from a broken person is like forcing a dead tree to produce life.

The number one person you shouldn’t be in a relationship with is a broken person. someone who does not know what love is. one who can’t find any source of happiness in life.

When you start dating this person you will end up being their source of joy but along the line, they may find self-love and realize you weren’t the one.

You can’t expect love from someone that does not know how to love and why there is to love?
A lot of guys have been left on the railway crushed because they expected love from a broken woman.

Love is a big issue which we look lightly. if not loved right, one could fall into depression, but if loved right there’s the fullness of joy.

Related post: Are you truly in love

My love story

My heart had just been crushed after I said to myself that I wouldn’t love anyone to that extent anymore but do I truly have control over how I should love someone . I used to be the type that would love someone with my everything, my heart, body, and soul but I now have come to be a point where I know that there’s a first love before any other.

 

My journey to self love : broken hearted

Back then I used to love like a dog after bones, if it requires me jumping into the pool just for the bone, I die there, I’m in. But I am at a stage of my life where I know my first love is God and any other love has to be line with the way my first love requires me to love.

I won’t give up my soul when it belongs to God.

I never knew I could love again to that extent, As usual, I picked up my brokenness and moved on. I have been stabbed so many times and this wasn’t different. I’m now like a red dartboard where you throw sharp darts at. Well, its all good I love the piercing and the blood that pours down my heart.

School had just closed for the session. I dragged my lonely self back home . Each day I look at the blue sky waiting for a miracle, a sign, just anything but all I see are the dark and white clouds shaping into laughing dragons.

Is it an illusion, am I daydreaming?

I could remember on this particular day, I decided on going back to him. I had left him months ago but since my last relationship didn’t end well, I needed another comforter.

Yes, I needed comfort, I needed someone to be there for me, I needed love. I searched for it like lost treasure and only in men could I find it. My journey through love has been horrible, well this ain’t different.

 

My journey to self love

I reunited with my ex who welcomed me, opening his arms wide open like a cage being flung open for chickens to run out. I guess I was the chicken chasing sweet corns.

was that love? I don’t care. All I knew was my heart leaped for joy whenever I saw him. I loved him wrapping me in his arms and kissing my lips. I was surprised at why he took me back after I had left him chasing shadows.

He gave me strength once again, he was so strong like a god that I felt like the goddess. I was in love, I would sit with him and imagine a future with him. 

One night, I woke up, picked up my mom’s phone because my phone had just been stolen.

I went online on Facebook only for me to see my god asking me to disembark .” stay away from me ” it was clearly and boldly written with no emphasis. The message was clear enough I guess . Stay away means flee, depart. I looked for other synonyms to understand the words.

My heart was heavy. Why stay away, what did I do? I texted him back ” I don’t understand”.

“Well sis the message is clear,stay away from him, he doesn’t love you ” my heart translated the message, I was pained. He replied saying I called his girlfriend asking her to leave him alone.

Oh lord, 😪 so he has another girlfriend. He also said we were only romantically involved. All of this translated into my brain and I blocked him. I was so mad at the fact that I let myself go through this again after coming out of one crazy relationship. It was two straight stabs to the heart, I fell into more depression.

She’s broken

I walked the street alone reminiscing of the sweet short times we shared and how much I missed him but I knew I couldn’t dwell on that for long.

I walked down the desolated path letting my demons lead me unto righteousness. It was a few days to my birthday. 

” He saw me.
“Who saw you ”
“Him. light-skinned, stout, pink lips, cute face. nice eyes saw me “.
And he said the words ” I love you”.
How can you love a broken woman?
I know not what love is, I can’t give back love in return. What truly is love? Is this it?

I have told myself I would never find love, love didn’t seem real anymore but even in my worst, he said he loves me. Why does he love me? I don’t look good to be loved. It was a dilemma

there’s something about you that’s beyond what you see with your eyes,  it’s your heart I love” oh those soothing words that tend to lure a fool to bed.

I tried to look for sincerity in all he said then he did what no other guy had done for me before and I said yes this is love and I want a part of it. He was my birthday gift, love was the gift.

A few months later was a tragedy, I was domineering, exercising so much authority that bought him low .”Shut up, you are stupid, don’t talk when I’m talking”. I said to him

I was abusive and out of love he obeyed. My mother would be like ” blessing are you now the man in the relationship” but I wasn’t bothered, I loved the power I yielded. I never knew what love is I only understood the power and that I exercised on him.

A broken woman is broken and can’t show love. same as a broken man. I saw something else that looks like gold and I went after it leaving him behind.

I never listened to his pleas or cries it was screeching to my ears, he became broken.

There’s so much to love we do not understand and in order to love we must first meet the one who created love and that is God. This story continues.

Watch out for episode two.
She is broken, help her heal or show her how to heal and love herself first before you ask her to love you. she can’t do both at the same time.

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I am not specific, I am a lot of positive energies distributing parts of me to everyone I come across. A writer who wants to affect lives and change the world. How am I going to do that? Why don't you find out yourself 😏

2 Comments

  • Ibukun

    You’re a study in ‘heart matters’ Blessing. To say the post was is to say the least. Many more people should read this and learn.

    True, the ideal of love stems from the inside out. You cannot give what you don’t have. What many call love today can be termed as emotional attachments, infatuation, lust and the likes. Love has a source – God. One who hasn’t sought and found God shouldn’t seek ’emotional love’. It takes one who knows what (real) love is to display it and discern it in another as well.

    What’s more, joy, satisfaction and peace cannot be found in any man/woman. Relationship/marriage is a blank slate. The quality of a relationship is dependent on the quality of the individuals involved in it. The believer is complete in Christ. He/she brings this wholeness into a relationship. He isn’t looking for a woman to make him happy, fulfilled… The minute we hinge the vitality of aspects of our lives on our patner (in a relationship), we are bound to make a shipwreck of it.

    I’m glad you came out of the quagmire better and stronger. Yours is a testimony of the fact there is always hope for a turnaround. I look forward to further ‘series’ and writings.

    The comment section of your home page is disabled.

    • D_analyzt

      And finally I get to sit down and actually send my reply . I have read your comment more than 5 times , each time I sit to reply am engaged with one activity or the other . but I always go through it and I must say thank you for sharing your thoughts on this issue .

      Truly love is an overlooked yet crucial topic . most of us just go by crush and feelings , love at first sight and that has actually destroyed us but it taught us a lessons . its not about the fine face or sweet talks , its about what he does .

      If you don’t have self worth or know God , if you can’t find happiness within yourself , you seriously do not have a business loving someone else . you must first learn to love yourself before anyone else.

      There’s so much I want to share and I will, thanks for reading my blog. Would you be interested in one of my content, I can write a new one for you ..let’s get to talk about it .

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