I saw so many advises on Instagram about not staying in a man’s house but I never believed them. I was happy were I was so why leave? I was spending time growing my relationship that I forgot to grow me.
Never lose yourself while doing others .
Often times we tend to forget who we are , we lose focus when we surround ourselves among certain people . This is why it is of utmost importance that one must discover themselves before going into any form of relationship.
People with low self esteem are at a great risk here , the ones who are so confident about themselves tend to mold them into what they want .
You have to build yourself, know what you want don’t get lost in the crowd . you must learn to love yourself before going into a relationship so you don’t lose yourself just by loving someone else .
I lost myself several times , didn’t know who I was anymore . I was who anyone wanted me to be . just like a sculpture, I was who he moulded me to be .
Going with the tides of time hoping someday I would get to a point where I would no longer cry whenever a guy leave me .
Well I did but that wasn’t self love . I only grew stronger that I never let the tears drop than my eyes . I concealed my pains with a concealer, wearing Mac and off I hit the road .
Where is thy love ? Why seek it in others instead of searching deep inside you . Sometimes what’s in Lagos might just be in warri . what we look for in others is right in us waiting for us to bring it out .
I searched for my lost treasure in men until a day I stopped searching and decided to look within me, only then did light shine forth .
Spend time reading
If you are going to discover yourself then you must know who you are. You must be knowledgeable about life and things around you .
Spend time reading and knowing .There’s great joy in spending time feeding your brains with words. This will keep you going. One of the thing that makes us want to take a next step is actually what we hear , but be careful of what you read or listen to .
Most people don’t like reading but if you are going to find yourself you need to read things that would build you . the reason you are searching for happiness in someone else is because you haven’t heard that people can’t give you happiness but yourself or maybe you have but you don’t know how to be happy with you .
This is why you will sort out books that can help you. I read lots of self help books and two I totally recommend are ” you are a badass by jen sincero ” and ” what I know for sure by Oprah winfrey ” this two books helped me develop self love . I also listened to lots of podcast my fav Is super soul by Oprah Winfrey and other writing podcast and business podcast. Do you listen to podcast?
Get rid of negative energy
I know this ain’t easy , it’s not easy realising something negative is stuck up in us but truly there is . we only see the negativity in others but there’s also some in us that needs to be gotten rid of .
Evaluate yourself , ask necessary questions . most times we can’t really see what’s up with us
Our eyes only see what’s in front of us but not inside of us. I learned to look within me , I know I had lots of negative energies that needs to be gotten rid of .
I have a temper issue which am dealing with each day and a sharp mouth 😂 . so much to learn . Above all learn to embrace yourself , even with all that learn to accept yourself .
Accepting yourself and doing better is the best love you can give to yourself .
Be at peace
Being at peace with yourself is bliss . If you carry people’s luggage on your head you will be worn out. Find peace from within , do what you love . you can’t fight over people, man always have a choice .
A human who wants to be with you would stay but he who doesn’t want to no matter what you do he won’t stay . so learn to find your peace and not kill yourself because of anybody .
There was a time I used to go everywhere he went , I was in secured , jealous but after finding out that I can’t let someone kill me before my time I had to let go of all that .
I was a monitoring spirit always checking his phone and that caused me lots of heart attack . you would find me sneaking up on him. Some nights we would fight over his phone and quarrel .
” am sorry ” he would say As usual it was a regular ringtone , I had gotten used to it . ” stop talking to her ” I would scream and get mad at him but I was only hurting myself . There were nights I slept with hunger and anger just because I wanted him to feel bad.
I would wake up in the morning and we are already quarreling , I would carry last night quarrel to the next day . It was so bad for me but I learnt to love me to the extent that I wasn’t bothered about what he did anymore .
I even wanted him to go out and come back whenever he likes and I would be so comfortable alone at home . I would write so much that day , create the world and smile I would talk to myself , watch TV and sleep . Back then BET was my favourite . Now am so busy that I barely watch t.v .
This birthed so much desire to be a TV host, well am a talker. I imagine having a show where women would come up and talk about different issues . Oh how much I love watching the real and Wendy show. These were my favourites. Do you have any favourite?
There are so many truth we learn about ourselves each day . there’s no one definition about us. Each day we learn new things about ourselves . so be particular about you , learn more about yourself.
What are your talents, your hobbies ? Learn to do you , do what you need to do . develop that art , breath and live .
Its time to wake up and move , no more pity case . Get up ! We need you.
Writing helped me , I could share my thoughts and relate with people . it was a gateway for me to explore myself in full, find yourself .
Don’t go into a relationship when you don’t know what you want
What are you giving when you don’t have it ? Relationship is a blank slate , your character and works is going to make the slate beautiful or dull . Spend time developing yourself ,knowing what you want before saying yes to anyone .
Let no one pressure you into dating them ,that’s the worst that can happen to anyone . if you don’t know what happiness or love means to you then don’t promise love to people . You don’t have it to give , find it first before giving it to them.
Love your neighbour as yourself . if you don’t love yourself how can you love your neighbour
This is one mistake I make every time and that’s allowing people talk me into dating them when am not certain about it.
Say no ! Your no is your no
I walked away from a relationship that I felt we would end up together forever but i had to go. I knew this wasn’t what , I never should have been here.
It was time to leave , trust me it wasn’t easy but then am free and being single has been the best thing that has ever happened to me .
learning to say no , to do what I need to do , to discipline myself , work hard , fight for me , go to where I want at my will, do things at my will no form of control , well that’s the best feeling right now .
There are many ways to develop self love but this is how I found self love . This was the process I walked through , I won’t say I have gotten to the highest love there is to self, each day am learning to embrace my uniqueness.
I found me by learning about me .Knowledge is key. Read books , watch videos , attend seminars, read your Bible . I love watching Tedx .