matters of the heart

Healthy relationship mindset

Do you just say yes to any guy that ask you out or you evaluate them?. Relationship has been humans greatest needs since the beginning of time. Being with the right one is great but the wrong one ,it can destroy your peace of mind. What do you look out for before saying yes i do!.  

you are responsible for your own happiness

Get into the right mindset 

In the series “womanity is humanity ” I said a woman is a complete being . if one goes into a relationship with the intention of finding someone who would accept them , or make them feel good then you are on the path of self destruction. Why did I use the word Destruction . if you go into a relationship with that mindset and eventually that person leaves you , what would be left of you , what would you think of yourself , would you see it as a blessing or you would blame yourself for everything that has happened? 

Carrying such mindset makes you do things you not supposed to do , makes you compromise in situations you are not supposed to. You tend to do anything just to keep them . what if they don’t want to be kept ? you become obsessed because you feel your life is tied to them and you can’t live without him/her.

This is why most people commit suicide when their spouse leaves them , they feel they weren’t good enough and there is something wrong with them that’s why the relationship was not fruitful . They feel they are not worth living anymore , their only source of joy has been taken away from them .

I was in this shoe , I dated a guy for three months , I would cry and beg him to stay with me . I would send out love text just so he can accept me . I felt I was wrong , I always blamed myself for all that happened between us . I was lost for a year , I cried all the time , I never got over him until the next year I decided , I took the challenge and I choose my happiness .

You are responsible for your own life ,if you are holding anyone accountable for your happiness, you are wasting your time. You must give yourself the love you didn’t receive.

what i know for sure by oprah winfrey 

What you spend so much energy on doing determines the kind of energy you receive back . if i spend so much energy on hating on someone I would receive sadness and hate. its obvious I would be mad whenever I see that person or even hear the persons name .

 what if I spend so much energy on loving me , my passion , my works that means whenever I’m doing that thing I would feel joy and happiness . why don’t you spend time in loving yourself so much that you would know how to love someone else . why don’t you spend time telling yourself how beautiful you are , how good you are that you wouldn’t wait on someone to tell you before you know that fact about yourself .

Why don’t you spend so much time and energy doing you , finding yourself so when he says its over you will still be you and do you and not be lost . why don’t you spend so much time on making yourself happy .

what makes you happy?

You have to identify what makes you happy. create a list of your hobbies and things you love. what gets you so excited . if you were to wake me up and ask me ‘hey what makes you happy’ 

One of the things that makes me happy is reading and writing . I must say when I drafted down this post I was filled with so much joy . teaching and talking to you guys everyday, getting feedbacks , knowing that I’m impacting positivity into others life makes me happy.

You have to figure this out so you don’t go into a relationship and tying your happiness to your partner. People are meant to make us happy, its not something we demand from them, they give it freely . When you don’t get that joy anymore from your partner then give it to yourself. 

I’m also happy and in love but that doesn’t mean when he says he doesn’t want me anymore I would be lost . hell no , I would still be me and still do me. One thing I keep telling my partner everyday , I was born alone so I die alone . so I will do me and you will do you and we would do us. Not me doing us and he’s doing him . it doesn’t work that way . I give you 100% I expect same in return . so if anyone ain’t giving you 100% its because you ain’t demanding for it , you are managing it just like that when you ought to get it back .

Do what works for you 

Find you , know you , what makes you happy before going into a relationship so you know what you can accept and can’t . I teach people not only my partner how to treat me , I don’t accept all you do because you are my friend or my lover. If you are wrong , you are wrong . I won’t take sides with you .

I speak my truth at all times, I teach you how to treat me . I don’t say yes because you are a man and you feel you are always right . I am a woman so treat me right. When I demand for all this things I am sometimes called disrespectful and angry . yes I am angry ,yes I’m disrespectful but I don’t just display such character if I’m not angered .

If I’m not insulted , if I’m not disvalued, if I’m not asked to compromise my self worth . I can’t compromise my self worth just to be validated or be called a good woman .I rather go by the name angry disrespectful woman because I said treat me right .

Women need to learn to want, need and get things . we are powerful and can create any life we want so why get stuck up in a relationship you are not being treated right . In a relationship your self worth is compromised and your spouse ain’t doing same for you . why go through pains all in the name of love ?

Why seek happiness from others when you can find it within yourself . if we can learn to go into a relationship with the right mindset then we would have 100% from both parties . then we would be respected and valued because we deserve it . I’m not saying your partner won’t make you happy, feel loved but that is what you get when you are involved with people . it what you ought to get , its a necessity so it shouldn’t be the reason for dating someone.

why are you dating?

sometimes I ask myself why I’m I dating ? Like seriously why are we dating. Funny right ,just think about it . what do you want in a relationship

I’m dating because I found a friend who I trust , who is understanding , who I can talk to ,build with , cares about me , supports me , advise me , protects me , stand by me , wants a future with me . the list keeps going on cause he’s so much to me and once he stops being all of this I’m not sure we would be dating again .

They say people change with time , People don’t change to be worse except they’ve been pretending , they only become better . don’t pretend just be you and someone would love you just the way you are and with time improvement comes ,that’s what I call becoming my best version .

healthy relationship mindset

I always say courting me is hard , dating me is tough , marrying me is one hell of a work . we got to put more effort into our relationship . its consistency. Some people feel once you say yes they own you . they stop doing all the sweet things , stop saying I love you , stop sending sweet text because you said yes .

Saying yes is the beginning of more sweet things , of more sweet text . don’t stop , you have to do it . you have to work hard to keep a woman like me because I know what I want and who I am .

I’m not trying to scare anyone but I value qualities a lot . what do you want out of a relationship? Well check out my next post on Friday .

I will be sharing what I want in a relationship πŸ€—πŸ˜˜

Its valentine , don’t be pressured if you don’t have a partner , don’t rush into sex because he’s showing you love. Remember you are worth more , so get more . love is within youπŸ™ŒπŸ˜

I am not specific, I am a lot of positive energies distributing parts of me to everyone I come across. A writer who wants to affect lives and change the world. How am I going to do that? Why don't you find out yourself 😏

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